Lost in Thought: Ficlets from the Black
by BuzzcutUppercut
Summary: Short stories featuring the whole gang, but focusing mainly on River. Pre- BDM. This is my first ever published work. Constructive criticism welcome!
1. Miscommunication

Miscommunication

River sat huddled on her bed staring into the dark. Over the past few days, she'd barely been able to sleep at all. It was a side effect of the latest and greatest medication Simon had put her on. Fewer headaches, sure, and she felt a lot less fuzzy overall, but River wasn't quite sure if that was a fair trade for insomnia.

Earlier that morning she had tried to tell Simon about the sleeplessness, but all that came out was "the dark is too light and the blanket's too smothering." Of course he had no idea what she meant, which frustrated her to no end. If only he was a reader like her. Everything would be so much easier.


	2. Oranges

Oranges

River licked the juice off her fingers and smiled. She tried to think back to the last time she tasted the sweet fruit. It must have been … the Christmas she was seven. Was it really that long ago? It was the year Simon received his first medical textbook. River appreciated the gift even more than her brother had. Despite her young age, she liked knowing how the human body worked. The duo spent many sunny afternoons laying in the grass and pouring over the dense pages.

Back in the present, she placed her hand on her stomach, trying to recall the process by which the orange made its way inside of her. Chew, swallow, digest, exit. "Bones grind, rip, tear, and soften. Goes away and then comes back." She muttered under her breath.

Jayne shot her a quizzical look, then shrugged. "Crazy. She's psycho."

River seemed not to hear; absorbed in making sure her mouth got every morsel of the delicious fruit. In a few minutes, there was a pile of orange peels on the floor next to where she was sitting cross-legged. With a belly full of sun, she stood up and gave a little bow in the direction of the giver of this wonderful gift.

"Well gosh, girlie. It's just an orange." Jayne said. But it was much more than that to River. It was a memory of a happier time. She did a little half-skip half-mambo down the hallway to her room. "Wait!" Jayne cried. "You left yer- oh never mind." He scooted his chair away from the table and stooped over the pick up the pile of peels. He shooed away those tiny fruit flies that are somehow always present, even in deep space. Throwing the peels away, he dusted off his hands. Jayne wondered if River really had forgotten the peels, or if she was actually just trying to manipulate him into doing it for her. He decided it must be the latter and corrected his earlier judgment with "Not just psycho. Sneaky too." Down the hall, he swore he could hear her giggle.


	3. Pins and Needles

Pins and Needles

Trigger warning

A knock at the door made River jump. She was huddled in the corner formed by the bed and the wall. As she heard the door slide open, she flung the small metal pin in her hands away from her. It skittered to a rest on the opposite side of the room.

"Come on out. It's dinner time." Inara said in her usually dulcet tone.

"Not hungry." River said, still facing away from the companion. "I'll come later." The small girl clutched her left arm tightly to her body, trying to prevent her from coming any closer.

Apparently River's efforts had failed, because Inara took another step into the room. "Everyone's waiting."

River turned around slowly, still clutching her arm to her chest. "I. Cant." she said, as if speaking to a child. "Go. Away."

Inara stooped down to River's level. "Were you drawing on your arm again? You know we've gotten plenty of paper." She reached out for her arm, but River didn't relinquish her grip. Instead, she narrowed her eyes at the woman in front of her. Inara became a little uneasy "Did you cut yourself on something?" She reached out for River's arm again, and this time was successful.

What she saw did not relieve the knot of anxiety in her stomach. "Oh River…" she sighed. "I thought we'd gotten past this."

River tugged her arm back to her shirt, now dotted with tiny pinpricks of blood. She tried to explain herself. Maybe Inara would understand this time. "I had to scratch them out. Scritch scratch mouse's claws. Cover it up with more. "

"I don't..." Inara shook her head, long hair bouncing. "Let's go see Simon."

River followed Inara down the hall. She knew Simon must be in the common room with everyone else. Soon they all would know she had been a bad girl. If only they understood. It's not as if she wanted to hurt herself. She just had to cross out the needle tracks on her arms, and then she would be done. Two more minutes of pain and the bad memories would have been gone. Of course, deep inside she knew that wasn't true, but a girl can hope, can't she?

Disclaimer: I do not own Firefly nor do I own any of the characters I write about.


End file.
